Do it Darkness, my old friend. Miss you.
There is an invisible heavy weight on my chest, I can’t breathe.
The pain is so severe and heartbreaking that it feels like a mountain is falling on me.
As I lie quietly, I can only hear thumps, thumps, thumps, I’m not sure right now if it’s my heartbeat or if someone is throwing the whole world at me.
The fear of getting hurt even from the slightest touch has taken over every nerve in my body. My hands are burning while my feet are extremely cold. My vision is so disturbed that I seem to be blind.
Although I have the feeling that everyone is on me and there is nothing I can do, but there is a will that makes me go every day. I wake up feeling like I died last night and then Reborn again. I desperately try to get out, but all the effort is useless and exhausting.
Although I am trying to get out of this miserable pain, my claws become slower and less effective. I feel tired all the time and I just can’t get rid of all this pain and fatigue.
Every day I wake up, hoping that this day will be better than the day before.
Someday I feel better than most days, but some days are the worst for me.
If I’m having a good day and going shopping or cleaning the house, then I know the next 3 days will be worse for me, filled with miserable pain and fatigue.
1. What seems to me to have a chronic disease
The process of being buried alive has been repeated to me many times in the past. Let me explain what buried alive means to me.
When a person is diagnosed with fibromyalgia, they generally wonder what it is and how I can get rid of this miserable pain and fatigue. Start using social media and other platforms to find answers to your questions. You start meeting with people who have the same disease as you, but you are becoming desperate and feel like you are breaking after knowing that there is no proper cure for this. You are in it for the rest of your life. Your days and your night are so miserable that it seems that you are buried alive.
I have been suffering from fibromyalgia for over 20 years. I have been through this process and have felt a broken heart many times. Sometimes the pain, fatigue, depression and anxiety are so miserable that I would think I am in the dark forever, but there is light at the end of each tunnel and I hope to find it.
2. Experiencing the dark
Below I share some of my experiences. He had also gone through these experiences:
Every day is a new day for a normal person, but for us, every day is as miserable as the previous one or even worse. You wake up tired and sore and you go to bed even more tired and with the worst pain.
I have tried many medications and home remedies, but all to no avail. The medication has many side effects that make it even more dangerous.
I’ve tried many therapies and yoga classes as doctors often suggest, but instead of relieving pain, they seem to contribute.
My family is also contributing to my suffering with their hurtful words. The most common phrase I heard is “You don’t look sick, you seem fine.”
I have spent thousands of dollars on this miserable disease. Experiencing financial difficulties due to fibromyalgia is also a problem for me.
Friends and family seem to doubt me every time I cancel plans with them due to my condition. I wanted to be invited to events, but I cannot join them due to my illness.
My family has refused to provide financial assistance for this and it appears that they are abandoning me.
Everyone at work looks at me with creepy eyes like I’m some kind of alien.
My family thinks that I am a burden to them, since I am not doing anything, I just stay at home and I am causing them problems.
Knowing that I am being like this for the rest of my life is causing anxiety and depression.
People suggest that I adopt some form of exercise regimen to lose weight. They don’t know how difficult it is to even think about it.
3. Find the light
I hope you have a good picture of my condition as I have explained above. This is all the dark side, but now let’s look at the positive side.
Once on the blue moon, I have a day when my pain is less than usual. That day is not less than a miracle. You can get up and take a walk around the house or take a shower, etc.
Sometimes I get news on the internet of a new therapy or medication and I think this could be the cure the medical community was looking for. Unfortunately, all of these therapies and medications only gave temporary relief.
Consulting a friend or coworker can also brighten your day. Although there is nothing they can do about it at least if they understand your pain, there are kind words that can go a long way. This feels like the earth is being pulled away from me.
If your Manager or Boss understands your pain, then he / she will probably ease your workload.
Doctors these days don’t know what I’m going through. Having a doctor who really understands your pain is also a blessing.
However, we cannot always rely on the good morning hypothesis or opportunities for new therapies. The only constants may be our own search for beauty, hope, and the kindness of others to help us keep the darkness at bay.
4. A helping hand
Only someone with a chronic illness can truly understand the pain of another chronic victim. So if you know someone with fibromyalgia, be courteous to them and ask them if they need their help. Often helping someone makes you feel more satisfied with yourself. Often those of us with chronic illnesses are terrifying to ask for help, but we need your help. Stay strong warriors and help each other.