Having a chronic illness like fibromyalgia disease really has its effect on you, especially when you have a lot of other things like me. It waxes and fades but never disappears, at least it does not do it for me. At this moment I must say that it is as bad as it always has been. The pain level of my Fibromyalgia disease has taken me so far that even my positive outlook is suffering. I’m so sick of being sick with fibromyalgia disease. My only escape is the dream I have, but now the pain of the fibromyalgia disease is twisting my dreams and now I can not even escape there. I wake up so aching that I want to scream just to move. I’m so tired when I get up and when I was in bed. The relief seems to be escaping these days.
Get more exercise, that’s what they say. They have no idea how difficult it is to do when every movement makes you want to shudder with the pain of Fibromyalgia disease. When walking at any distance, your spine feels as if it simply collapses and disintegrates. I do what I can, I walk short distances, I raise my legs in the chair, but it is difficult. I wish others understood the difficult. Lose weight. I try, I really do. Without being able to be as active as you need to be, it is very difficult to do. I know that my weight, which was put on after getting sick, makes it worse. It also makes my self-image worse, which does not help at all. I wish I could lose it and I’m trying to do it, but it’s a slow process that I feel like me.
Take your medications. I do it, I promise I’ll do it, as they tell me to do, but it’s not helping enough. I missed them and I was lucky not to spend the day huddled in a ball on the ground, so I know they help, but they are not doing enough. There must be something out there that helps me get my life back. Depression? Sure, I struggle with depression. When there is not a part of your body that does not hurt all the time, you can also be depressed. I think those of us who work with this are much stronger than people give us credit.
I can not even eat without experiencing symptoms. I eat something, makes me run to the bathroom. There is no aspect of life that the disease of fibromyalgia or the large number of coexisting conditions do not touch. Whatever it is, there is a bad effect that goes with it. The symptoms feed each other, and each one makes the others worse. I try to stay positive. I know this will happen and I will feel better, but even then I will not feel well. I have my good spells, but still there is still pain, depression, stomach problems, the disease of fibromyalgia, always present. However, there are better times when I can do more and enjoy more, but what do I do in the meantime? I am wearing down, physically, mentally and emotionally. I am losing hope that there are good days ahead and that relief can be found. I should not leave like this. I must always believe that there is hope, but right now it is difficult. I must hold on to the idea that this will also happen. I just hope it happens fast.